So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
