he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
3 2 1 whiskey
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
