she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
