ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
