I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
