Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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