I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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