i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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