A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
