In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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