legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
