you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
