I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
