As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
