so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
