I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
worst night to have a conscience
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
