Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
