Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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