It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
