Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
