i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
