i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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