I wish I could punch you in the face.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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