bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
