im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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