I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
