ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
