i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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