I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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