I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
