Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
