Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
