After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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