Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
