Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
