3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
