I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
