bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
