they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
MIDGETS
????
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
