well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
