Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
