I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
