i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
