i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
