Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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