I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
