What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
