You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
