yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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