I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
