K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
