Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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