So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Can you bring me the toilet please
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
