Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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