every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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